I wrote this on a flight after visiting her in Feb, 2022. She was diagnosed with Stage 4 Lung Cancer and was not doing well.
She passed away peacefully on June 12, 2022 at the age of 90.
The words below are written in Hindi / Devanagari, then translated in English.
-rohit
नानी मेरे नानी है (Nani mere Nani hai) उनने मेरे को नहलाया (Unne mere ko nahalaaya) जब माई छोटा (Jab maee chhota) और कफी शितानी (Aur kaphee shitaanee)
एक दिन मैं छुप गया (Ek din main chhup gaya) टेबल के नीचे घूम गया (Tebal ke neeche ghoom gaya) एक या दो घंटा पास (Ek ya do ghanta paas) सब तमाशा धक् लिया (Sab tamaasha dhak liya)
नानी ज़रूर घबरा गए (Naanee zaroor ghabara gae) बेटी का लड़का (Bete ka ladaka) गायब हो गया (Gaayab ho gaya) मालूम न, खा खोगया? (Maaloom na, kha khogaya?)
अब मैं बड़ा हो गया… (Ab main bada ho gaya…)
नानी मेरे नानी है (Nani mere Nani hai) मुझे सिखाया है (mujhe sikhaaya hai) बेटा शरमाओ मत (Beta sharamao mat) हिंदी में बात करो (Hindi mein baat karo) मेरे साथ अभ्यास करो (Mere saath “practice” karo)
मुझे समझाया है (Mujhe samajhaaya hai) लोगों को ऊपर उठाएं (Logon ko oopar uthaen) जब हिम्मत है (Jab himmat hai) हिम्मत साईं बड़ाओ (Himmat sae badao)
नानी मेरे नानी है (Nani mere Nani hai) मुझे खिलाया है (Mujhe khilaaya hai) गुलाबजामुन इस तरह कभी नहीं खाया (Gulaabajaama es tarah kabhee nahin khaaya) सूर्य नमस्कार दिखाया (Surya Namaskar dikhaaya) शक्ति सुब का पास आया (Shakti sub ka paas aaya)
नानी मेरे नानी है (Nani mere Nani hai) उनके चार बच्चे (Unka chaar bachche) मेरी माँ, सबसे बड़ी (Meree Ma, sabse badee) उनके आठ पोते (Unke aath pote) माई हू, सबसे बड़ा (Mae hoo, sabse bada) उनके सात परपोते हैं (Unke saat parapote hain) पांच (5) महीने, सबसे छोटा (Paanch maheene, sabase chhota)
यह है नानी की छोटी सी कहानी (Yah hai Nani kee chhotee kahaanee) पर उनकी कहानी, सबसे बड़ी (Par unakee kahaanee, sabase badee)
LOVE TO YOU, मेरे नानी (Love to you, mere Nani)
Grandma is my Grandma She bathed me When I was young And quite naughty
One day I went missing Under the table, I “hid” 1-2 hours passed All the drama, I witnessed
Grandma was definitely worried Her daughter’s son Was lost Do you know, where he went?
But now I’m older…
Grandma is my Grandma She taught me Not be shy To talk in Hindi ”practice with me”
She helped me understand To raise people up When you have energy Use the energy to lift others up
Grandma is my Grandma She fed me Gulab Jamun like hers, we’ve never eaten She showed us the Sun Salutation (yoga) Through this, we all gained “life” (mind, body, & soul)
Grandma is my Grandma She has 4 children My Mother, the oldest She has 8 grandchildren Myself, the oldest She has 7 great-grandchildren 5 months old, the youngest
This is Grandma’s little story But her story, it is IMMENSE!
LOVE TO YOU, My Nani
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Is there something more for me? Better fit, better pay, better balance, more meaning?
Consider this. Do you feel you belong?
Andre Iguodala, an American professional basketball player, asked himself this same question. In his memoir “The Sixth Man”, my favorite insight he shares is from his youth. In High School, he received a special invite to a basketball tournament weekend in NYC for top athletes. He recites…
“I realized that I hadn’t felt like myself. In the Illinois scrimmage, there was a moment when I started to feel like myself. What I mean is that there was a moment when my mind was completely on the game in front of me. Not on if I’m playing well, or if I’m good enough, or did Coach see that mistake. But simply on the game.
I looked around the floor during warm-ups. The same kids were talking, shooting, stretching. They looked like what they were - kids. With parents or grandmothers at home. Kids who really loved playing…
They were all here because they were good enough. And wasn’t I here because I was good enough? So, I decided to tell myself that I belonged here. I don’t care if this kids is a McDonald’s All American. I don’t care if that kid was in Sports Illustrated. I can hoop with these guys because I can hoop with anyone.
At times, we have to tell ourselves we belong even if we don’t fully believe it, yet.
You are good enough. You do belong. You are here. You have a seat. An opportunity to share your voice. To help solve problems. Many are on the outside, but you are here.
We have seen many of our colleagues leave. Some by choice, others ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ No matter, you are here. But you're likely asking yourself some combination of the following:
Do I really belong, here?
Do I like my team (assuming you know them?)
Do I like my boss?
Will I be rewarded for great work (promo, title)?
Even if this is not the dialogue in your head, movement around you makes you consider…
Why are good folks leaving?
Why haven’t they tapped me?
Should I be thinking about this?
Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.
It is human nature to compare. But, as best we can, we have to flight the urge. I believe Cardi B's mindset is gold (err…platinum), in her song "Best Life"
This is NOT a call for working longer hours. As they saying goes, "don't confuse activity for achievement.”
Work smarter. Focus on solving the right problems. Some folks spend 1/2 the time and get more done.
Move the needle with respect to key goals your leaders care about. Be part of building or selling. If you don’t do either, learn. Consider how you can positively influence the above.
IF you don't ask, the answer is NO
I recite this to my daughters ALL the time. I often have to remind myself.
You have to ask for what you want. Everyone is "busy". Everyone is focused on something else. Don’t expect others to know your situation. No one is going to look out for you except you.
Every time I hear of someone I know well that is leaving, I ping their manager and ask. Why? What happened? Did we try? Did they ask?
Many a time, they never asked. They assumed. They didn’t raise the issue. Why not?
Ask for that project. Ask for more responsibility. Ask for the the Senior title. If it matters to you, it matters.
What's the WORST that can happen? They say NO.
Ask again, perhaps you’ll get a different reply Ask someone else, perhaps you’ll learn something new. If it doesn’t open, it’s not your door (yet).
What's the BEST that can happen? Not , but ... OR Yes, and ...
Life rarely changes in a positive way without an increase in responsibility. That can mean taking ownership of your health or committing to a relationship or starting a [project/business] Whatever it is, if you want the trajectory to change, the amount of responsibility usually has to change.
-James Clear
Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want. Today is always a good day to begin.
For best results, pair with an espresso or a pint of Guinness. PRESS PLAY n’ ENJOY
When I think of sports and JOY, a few images come to mind.
At the top of the table residing in some corner of my brain is basketball superstar Steph Curry doing a shimmy after hitting an insane high arcing 3pt shot. Let’s go to the videotape:
Alongside are images burned into my mind of our 2 girls playing soccer and softball with friends on a wide open field. They’re running around post-game on a snack high being silly as they refuse to say goodbye to teammates in hopes of staying “just 2 more minutes!”
How do we explain JOY? Why does it matter?
JOY is experiencing the emotion of pleasure in the moment.
What’s not to like about that?
It’s being in the moment that makes joy special, yet also elusive. In an increasingly distracted world, not being present is unfortunately a sign of the times. However on those occasions when it all comes together, the feeling is exhilarating. Just you and this instance in time, etching memories in the corner of your mind (note to self: reuse for future anniversary card).
At a sporting event, you may share JOY with tens of thousands of your closest friends. Remember all those high fives with the fans in front and those in the row behind? Mini moments of JOY and community. Yeah, I miss them too right now.
On another occasion, you may experience JOY alone. It manifests in different ways. A feeling of reflection, gratitude, or even tears.
The science states we feel JOY in our bodies because of the release of dopamine and serotonin, two types of neurotransmitters in the brain. Both chemicals are heavily associated with happiness.
One of the more memorable takes on Steph and JOY occurred in Chicago on Oct 29th, 2018. It was the night fellow splash brother Klay Thompson surpassed Curry’s previously held 3 pointers made in a single game record. The image below captures the moment Klay breaks the record!
Without context, you wouldn’t know who hit the shot! Remember, it's Klay night. However as an exemplary teammate, Curry exudes JOY with his arms raised because he is genuinely happy for Klay. In fact, Curry explicitly told him to go after his record at halftime of this very game.
That is what good teammates and good leaders do. They are supportive and take JOY in others' success.
Both Curry and Jordan harness JOY into a savage drive to take it to their respective opponents. The list of elite athletes across all sports that draw on this foundation is wide ranging. Turns out, JOY can be an competitive advantage. Especially when its turned inward and manifests itself in love.
The great football legend Pele sums it up best.
[Success] is hard work, perseverance, learning, studying, sacrifice and most of all, love of what you are doing or learning to do."
If you truly love the “work” and it gives you pleasure, you’ll prolong the moments while others stop. Conversely, if you don’t truly love what you’re doing and don’t find the JOY in it, it shows.
For me, JOY is something I seek to help fuel my days.
When I find it, it makes my now salt and pepper hairs stand throughout my body. This natural high, which through decades of practice I can replicate on my morning runs, allows me to glide smoothly across the trail beneath me.
Like a craft cocktail mixed at a late night gin bar in Barcelona (I recommend Dux), the endorphins bind to the receptors of the central nervous system releasing dopamine to create that euphoric feeling. The result - more bounce in your step and the motivation to keep going, keep trying. “Music is supposed to inspire.” Turn your headphones up.
Besides exercise - family, music, and giving back enable those neurotransmitters to light a fire. “Same same but different” as the saying goes in the streets of Thailand. We all have the capacity to experience JOY, but we all get there in different ways.
One form of giving back for me is coaching. I’ve coached either youth soccer (AYSO), or Girls Softball (MVLAGS), every year since 2014 when my eldest daughter turned 6 yrs old. How kids naturally exude JOY on the field is one of my favorite things. Being able to foster and promote that is magical.
In the Fall of 2020, it came together for a group of girls on the Softball diamond. We assembled my 8yr old’s classmates alongside girls in our community for practices (no competitive games allowed). Temp checks, masks, distancing, bring your own gloves and bat. The whole Covid drill. We made the best of it.
1st couple sessions, the girls were guarded given all the restrictions and months of isolation. Then, something interesting happened. Over the weeks that followed, parents shared the mood of their daughter was different on practice days and times leading up to it. The girls were having fun!
After months cooped up at home on virtual classes and an atypical Summer, they finally had something to look forward to. As a result, they were more engaged and excited to go about their days. Sounds familiar, right?
The science behind this agrees. Active bodies make for active minds. There is definitely a correlation. Thinking back to my own childhood, my grades were better and I was more focused during seasons of the year that coincided with me playing sports. Less time to procrastinate, more energy to fuel the brain. The perfect antidote to Parkinson’s Law of time management. Boom!
Our girls learned skills and improved over successive practices. We played mini games with split squads. But it was the simplicity of running around on an open, albeit neglected field that created JOY.
We played silly games post practice such as Statue, What time is it, Mr. Fox? and Monster (yours truly the protagonist in those last two). That becomes their bud more so than Softball on select days. We regularly extended our 90 mins together to 2 hrs. The girls lingered while parents connected. It felt normal. We created community. From therein surfaced JOY.
Our last practice lined up a couple days prior to Halloween. I coined it the “Softball Spooktacular!” We hosted a Parents vs. Kids game and it brought forward the competitive side in some of us. Everyone was encouraged to wear costumes. We stacked all 4 bases with buckets of treats that got progressively better the more you crossed your way around the diamond.
Postgame, we had a potluck picnic as the sun set and the dog owners came out for their evening walks. There is a ritual I have for every team I have ever coached. We wrap a bow on each season with speeches delivered about every player on the team (inspired by my own baseball coach in HS). I use the sandwich technique to keep it constructive, yet positive. They appreciate the words of encouragement and the parents seem to like it as well (good camera moments!).
As we wrapped up, one of the girls on the team got up and said a few nice words about the coaches. With reference to me, she said “I like coach Rohit because he likes to play around with us and never takes things too seriously!! He makes it FUN!.”
This describes my approach to a tee. I was glowing inside. She gets me : )
I’m never too serious, personally or professionally. I try to make most activities fun and extract the positive. If not for others, for myself. By no means a comparison, but Steph Curry and his pregame rituals are all about being loose and having fun. You could say, finding the JOY.
Think about your circles. Family-Friends-School-Work-Hobbies.
There is always a way to make room for JOY in a given day.
Ask yourself:
Where does joy live for me?
If it's not where I am today, how do I get there?
Am I noticing these precious moments? If not, why not?
At times, we have to give ourselves the space to take it in. It's not realistic to think every interaction will be joyful. But parts of your day or week should be.
If you think about the circles you are part of, whom do you enjoy spending time with? In the spirit of “create the things you wish existed,” what are you doing to promote joy?
We all have it within. At some point, we have experienced it. It's up to us to remove the obstacles and find it, again. When you see JOY, attach yourself to it. Like a Steph Curry 3 pointer followed by a spur of the moment dance number, embrace it. Go with it. Breathe it in. Some of it is bound to stick. And when it does, it can light a fire and help us be the best versions of ourselves.
Don’t wait…
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Since I can remember, I have been passionate about Sports.
It started with running. The 50m dash was my speciality in grade school and my friends called me Flash. Alongside came football (aka soccer), which was dominant in the Middle East where I was born and spent my early years (Iran & Kuwait).
As age 8, my family immigrated to New York. My 1st real exposure to American TV was the Dukes of Hazzard. In fact, my first memory of NYC was the glow of a TV screen in a cold hotel room in Midtown. I should have been sleeping, but I couldn’t resist peeking over the covers as my Mom watched this orange car glide like an airplane across the sky. I’m sure she was equally in awe.
Then came Price is Right, Indiana Jones, and American Sports (MLB, NFL, NBA, NHL). No one in my direct family was into sports. I gravitated towards it. Like a sideline reporter, I observed, took notes, and soaked it in. Uncles that came to visit and stay for what seemed like months at a time accelerated my sports education. (Asian Indian household , we take care of each other no matter how many cousins removed you may be!)
During this period, I had a front seat to sports history in the making. Select broadcasts shaped my youth such as Wimbledon ’85 with Boris Becker, Lakers/Celtics Rangers/Islanders rivalries, and Patrick Ewing’s emergence with the Knicks to name a few. My backyard was MSG and Shea Stadium, both a LIRR hop away.
My love of sports was solidified with the glorious run of the Amazin’ 1986 NY Mets baseball team. Funny enough, the Islanders (NHL), were in the midst of their historic four in a row Stanley Cup run, but I was oblivious. Blame it on Culture Club or Raiders of the Lost Ark, I’m not sure which was more captivating…likely the latter. Either way, the METS took the championship that year in dramatic fashion! …and they haven’t won since, a discussion for another day :( ... However, Game 7 @ Shea, just 20 mins via train from my childhood home took place on Oct 27th, 1986. My 12th birthday!
Needless to say, I was hooked. #LGM
Around this period, I became a loyal sport radio listener. 660 AM WFAN was my jam as it hit the airwaves in ‘87. Under the covers with Steve Somers often guided me to deep pubescent sleep. If not my min transistor radio, then the Led Zeppelin discography playing through my Sony Walkman (grey, not those bright yellow ones) lulled me to bed. I grew up watching Ralph Kiner & Tim McCarver on WWOR Channel 9 (Secaucus, NJ). On the radio, Mike & the Mad Dog, Bob Murphy, and Pete Franklin filled my ears while I built model cars and legos. Great personalities, wonderful story tellers.
It was around this time, in my early double digit years, that I become aware of the parallels between sports and life. I played Police Boys Club (PBC) baseball and travel team Soccer. This blossomed into JV, then Varsity sports in High School. I even earned co-captain honors for baseball during my senior year. I tried out for my the basketball team every year, but never made the final cut. Inevitably, I was on losing teams playing sports that were not popular with the cooler crowd (Lacrosse & Football were king). My exposure to the latter was through the marching band (I played the drums).
I learned a lot from the experiences and stuck with it. It was through losing a ton of games that I embraced the joys of winning. Those rare times we came out on top as a team, we celebrated with gusto. The majority of times, we took on the chin and learned from it.
Losing taught me about patience, about embracing the process. Failure is a theme that continues to repeat itself through the years. Yet, showing up everyday even when I didn’t always feel like it taught me about grit, discipline, and most importantly, about myself. I didn’t always start games. Some days, I didn’t play a single minute. However, I prepared just the same. Coaching 1st base, keeping score, rooting for teammates kept me engaged.
My coaches taught me about sportsmanship.
Specifically, losing with grace and winning with class. Through this, I formed a love for what sports has the potential to teach us. This has carried through to present day where I’m into my 7th year of coaching my 2 girls in youth sports (soccer & softball). In addition, mentoring and providing guidance to others is something I love to do. “We rise by lifting others” is my mantra.
In my senior year of high school, our baseball coach gathered us around a conference table to lead a review of the season that was. Looking back, this was my first reflection moment. My family didn’t lead such discussions at the dinner table, so this was new. We learned to pause and retrospect on what took place and how it could help us get better. Fast forward now 20+ yrs in Silicon Valley building software products, we regularly retro as a function of our sprints.
It was in this setting in June of 1996 that I received what to this date remains one of the best complements someone has ever given me. My coach went around the room sharing a few words about each player. He stated, in front of the entire team when it came to addressing my season, “Rohit, I would be proud to have my son grow up to be like you”.
Nothing about my mediocre batting average, my paltry defensive squats at 2nd base to trap the balls between my knees (my special move 😛!), nor my lowly run production. At the time, I took it as a complement and nothing more. No special revelations, just moved on as my adolescent self. However, since that moment I have come back to this scene many times. The comment from my Coach was about my character, about me as a human being. He noticed someone with the potential to lead and do good in ways that were not limited to “on the field” performance. For this, I am grateful.
In seeking justification for why I love sports, I have come to conclude over the years that it is about the process. The learning. It’s what sports teaches us about ourselves that resonates with me more than anything else. It mirrors life in so many ways that the analogies are crazy. In fact, I obsess over connecting these dots and love to share them with whomever will listen (often notes in my journals and more recently, my girls).
Quotes such as this one flood my mind every time I listen to coaches speak, players share their journey, or see the best drama anywhere play out.
Because of what it teaches us and the parallels we can draw in our everyday lives, SPORTS is LIFE. Sports Mirrors Life because it provides examples many of us can relate to. “You only understand something relative to what you understand.”
In my case and I suspect for many of you reading this, sports is that basis that enables us to learn about something else. Every human being has the potential to relate. At its core, sports requires no language, no religion, no barrier. It promotes community and brings people together.
It is though this medium that SML Takes hopes to bring simple stories and lessons to life. My goal is to use the sports lens to cover topics ranging from joy to failure and mindset to equity. Enjoy the scribblings from my journal and countless voice memos on my phone over 2+ yrs to this medium, this newsletter.
SportsMirrorsLife = SML takes on how lessons learned through SPORTS can be applied to everyday LIFE.